SERIOUSLY?! (Logan, 14)
I’m hanging out at Logan’s place. We are hanging out, talking about art, Logan’s doing a little painting, and we are both drinking.
Logan’s ex rings the bell.
Logan freaks out.
Logan: Maybe you should go up to the roof.
Me: I’m not leaving.
Silence. He looks shocked and a bit angry.
Me: It’ll be good for both of you.
L: Don’t say anything stupid.
Me: I’m not saying a word.
He’s angry. At me, at the situation, at the world.
I stand my ground, telling him he’s ridiculous for wanting me to leave the apartment and wait on the roof just because his ex wants to stop by! He gives me another nasty look and leaves the apartment.
Logan returns alone. Angry at me. Angry at Carla. Angry at the world.
He told Carla I was there.
She was pissed. “So you’re sleeping with her tonight.” She assumes. He tells her he’s not.
Logan feels guilty. “Maybe I should have been more honest with her. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe she’d be fine with it.”
When Logan and Carla were together, Carla was very jealous. Even when female friends of both of theirs was showing Logan some attention, she would become angry.
Logan talks on and on about honesty and it’s importance in a friendship.
Are they even friends, he wonders, if he’s not being honest to her?
This does it. I’ve been feeling guilty for weeks about sleeping with other guys and not telling Logan. We are not “in a relationship” and he is not my “boyfriend, but none-the-less, we’ve been sleeping together awhile now and I feel like maybe he should know?
Me: “I’m sleeping with two other guys.” I say quietly.
He doesn’t hear me. I should take this as a sign and not repeat.
I repeat.
M: I’m sleeping with two other guys.
Logan: What?
I repeat once more, a third time.
Shit hits the fan.
He’s angry. He says we’re not really friends if I’m not being honest with him. Why didn’t I tell him sooner? he asks.
I didn’t know I “had to”!
Did I always use a condom? Who are these guys? Does he know any of them? Do they work with us?
Ugh! What’s the problem?! We are not in a relationship! He does not own me! I didn’t have to tell him at all!
He literally says, “I don’t give a fuck who you fuck. Do you think I’m a girl or something? I don’t care who you have sex with! I just want to know about it!”
His voice gets madder and madder until we’re both yelling. I yell, “Well now you know about it! So what’s the problem?!
What’s the problem? What’s the problem?! You just told me! We had sex after you fucked other guys! That’s the problem!”
He leaves the bedroom and goes into the living room. I follow.
His anger turns to saddness.
“I thought you…” he says quietly, looking longingly out the window, “might be starting to…have feelings for me…”
“Of course I have feelings for you!” I insist. “I love you - like a friend! You’re great! You’re an amazing person! I just don’t fall, ya know? I just can’t.”
He sits on the couch with me.
“It’s my fault” he laments, “it’s not you.”
“It had to end sometime anyway. It’s not healthy for it to last this long. You’ll start having feelings for me or something.” he says.
“I already have feelings for you. You’re a great friend. You’re one of my best friends. I just don’t fall, it just doesn’t really happen for me.”
I continue, “I don’t want things to change.”
Logan insists, “Then you’ll have to get me really shitty drunk or high or something. Really drunk.
I just look at him.
I really did not think it would go this badly.
